How can I be a better candle?

This blog is part of a Tarot Blog Hop on the topic "How Can I Be a Better Candle?" The blog before mine is written by Louise and you can find her at http://www.priestesstarot.co.uk/

From Marilyn to you:
The best part about February in southeastern Ontario Canada is that the days are ever so slightly longer. I notice it more at the supper hour than in the morning. Years ago, as I crossed the parking lot coming out of work at the end of my work day, the lingering light in the sky filled me with hope that the sun was on its way back to warm the land and my soul.  At the time, I did not know that people for hundreds of years had celebrated this wondrous event. I was content to know if the groundhog had seen his shadow. Now, I happily open my heart to the wonders of nature and the turn of the wheel accepting the guidance of those who know.
This opening of my heart to other ways of celebrating the sacred has had the added benefit of making me a better candle. Opening rather than closing to more sacred practice has helped me find out where I fit. When I know in my heart that I am indeed a small but important link to all that happens in our world, my light shines. I can be a better candle when I ask myself a few simple questions. How does this return of the sun benefit us all? How does it show that we are all connected?
Thoth's Hermit has always struck me as the busiest most illuminatted Hermit card created. That is a purely personal reflection of course. As a Virgo, the Hermit has always felt comfortable to me. I like that the Hermit's light illuminates our inner self and yet offers a beacon of hope to any who see it. Thoth's card seems to be moving rapidly rather than the still image of the Rider Waite Smith deck. Just because we appear to be in deep freeze or reflection does not mean that there is not a lot going on beneath the surface. Deep in our subconscious a light may finally shine on that frozen thing that will allow me to move forward.
When I read for people, I offer them the opportunity to be still, listen, yet actively search and warm that frozen part of themself. Tarot through my efforts to illuminate the message can help people see their own amazing light. If my heart is open and full of light it works all the better. Opening my heart, using my tools makes me a better candle.
Now hop on over to Matt at:
http://personaltarotwithmatt.com/blog

Humpback and The Four of Fire

Humpback and The Four of Fire


Thursday August 18, 2011 with reflections to January 1, 2012

The humpbacks may have eluded us yesterday but nothing could prepare us for Thursday’s events! We began the day paddling through a network of small islands in pretty deep fog. Today, I paddled with Gillian, co-owner of Pacific Northwest Expeditions at http://www.seakayakbc.com/main.html and was very grateful for her sharp eye and chattering biology lesson. I would have missed so much had she not shared so willingly. The highlight of the morning was the plump mauve starfish clinging to the wall of the cliff waiting for the tide to return. We saw many seals resting on rocks that were almost invisible to the untrained eye. Their colouring matched the rocks so well.


A very mature Starfish, clinging to the cliff as the tide recedes. Looks like she is walking to me!

 And birds! Ducks with horns called Rhinoceros Auculets that are native only to this small region of Canada. The paddling was misty and yes mystical. We had lunch on two large out crops of rock called White Cliffs with a few trees and lots of salal, Indian paintbrush, false lily of the valley, heather, stonecrop, strawberries and Eagles! This is where I received my Eagle feather. A pair of Eagles entertained us by flying in and out of the tree on the adjacent outcrop of rock. It was right about here that the battery on my camera died. The fog finally burned off and we could hear loud booms in the distance that no one could quite explain. After lunch we set out to return to camp. Here we were in much more open water than any of our previous paddles. There were many whale watching boats, fishing boats and our three kayaks. Talk about feeling a tad vulnerable. Suddenly, a humpback breeched about four times. Wow! It happens so fast that you really have trouble taking it all in. One Humpback slapped its tale as it dove. Slap is a huge misnomer. For this was the source of the sound we heard earlier. It sounded like thunder aided by dynamite. BOOOOOM!


One of the breeches we witnessed by the local Humpback whales. It is important to study sound and breath when receiving messages from whale.





There were at least a dozen or more whales evident all across the strait. It was so exciting. Finally Brian suggested that we paddle a little closer to shore to get out of all the traffic and for safety reasons. It sounded like a very wise idea to me. The Minke cruised by us again. And as we were getting close to shore a humpback surfaced not far from us. OH! Wow! And it was swimming right for Gillian and I. Had this happened on the first or second day, I think I would have panicked. By now I realized that these magnificent creatures were quite happy to avoid us. In slow motion the whale dove. Its magnificent tail tipped up and slid silently beneath the waters. That same tail that shook the strait could disappear without a sound and barely a ripple! At about the same moment Gillian was telling me to look over the side to see the whale’s footprint or shadow. I did in stunned silence. Here we were in a twenty foot kayak with a forty foot forty ton whale beneath us. We did not speak. The magic of the moment slid past as the whale continued on her way.


After surfacing just in front of us, this huge creature slipped effortlessly beneath the surface and swam under our kayak. That is my shoulder as we wait in our kayak to see what Humpback is going to do.


The card for what does Humpback want me to know was The Four of Fire, from the Gaian Tarot. It shows a woman in a ceremonial ring of candles. She is feeling her power as she receives energy from the earth and the sky. Her jaw is extended much like a whale as it feeds. She is. I am. If I am to know the beauty of my own power, passion and ability to love, I must be open to its magic. The affirmation for this card “I am strong and courageous, and have the power to accomplish anything I choose to do.” I met the whale and it gave me courage to dive deep within my soul and heart and ask for what I want. Whales show us how to find balance and to breathe in life. Whale asked me to listen to the sound of my own life and find its rhythm. What do I want to breathe in at this stage of my life? What is my power now? How am I meant to use it? Questions from my magnificent quest stir within me now on the first day of 2012.



The color orange catches my eye in this Four of Fire from the Gaian Tarot. I am aware more than ever of the need to be very careful of what I create in thought, word and deed as it influences all around me and beyond.







Kingfisher and The Seven of Cups

Kingfishers and The Seven of Cups
August 17, 2011 with awareness to December 2011


The magnificent Kingfisher is a bird that I have always found fascinating and fun. Greek Mythology states that Ceyx felt the great need to visit the Oracle at Delphi and against his wife’s better judgment, set off on the ill-fated voyage. Halcyone dreamt of his death and rushed to the sea where she found her husband’s body washing ashore. Before she succeeded in killing herself the God’s turned her into a kingfisher. So great was the love between these two that her husband too became a kingfisher. Kingfishers represent great love to this day. I knew this story as I sat on the beach listening to two families of kingfishers whizzing back and forth across the channel between the two islands. I wondered, what message about love am I receiving here? Like many of the messages I received on this trip it has taken quiet time and deep reflection to fully understand. As a matter of fact this message had been coming to me in bits and pieces for some time. The card for what does Kingfisher want me to know was the Seven of Water (or Cups) in the Gaian Tarot. It shows a man drinking deeply from one goblet as six others sit unused. The colours are blue and white in this card, much like the striking Kingfisher. The affirmation for this card is “I open my whole heart to the dream”. What then is my dream, I ask? What am I leaving in the other cups? What does ‘Love got to do with it’ as the song goes? And then there was the light bulb moment with the full glory hallelujah chorus! I realize that my great fear about trying to love again is clouded by the marriages that influenced me the most. Those were the marriages of: my parents, my in laws and my own marriage of thirty years. All three of those marriages had a great deal of bickering, imbalance, and yes fear. Fear to speak your truth, fear of going it alone, and fear to own your power. That is what I think of when I think of marriage and no, it’s not very nice!





Majesty of Nature: Sitting in awe of all that Nature offers! A Minke whale is blowing in the distance. North is Alaska. And I am witness to it all.



This awareness began at the Readers Studio Conference in April of 2011 at a class by the Amberstones on Love in the Tarot. The card that came to me representing how I feel about love was the Five of Pentacles card. My partner in the exercise said, “That’s not very good now is it?” in a very kindly way. I thought that the card was speaking to my feelings of loss and fear resulting from being a widow. As the year has unfolded, I realize that the fear of loneliness and loss goes right to my childhood. I felt that this was the fear, grief and anger that I was releasing to the roots of the 1100 year old Red Cedar the day before. Perhaps by finally releasing those feelings so deeply, I opened the portal to see the next choice, the next cup for me to drink from.

Seven of Water from the Gaian Tarot: What is your dream? How can you choose it now?



On this quest I witnessed many relationships. What I saw was the deep understanding it takes to feel secure and loved in a relationship. I knew on an intellectual level that this type of love comes from feeling secure in your own self. Bearing witness to partnerships that grew from strength rather than fear was illuminating. I realized that up until now, I had relied too much on my perception and personal experience of how to love. I did not know how to love fearlessly. The chosen cup must be one of loving from a place deep inside my own well of contentment, self-love, joy, and courage. I left behind the fear of love that comes from a Five of Pentacles mindset to fly free like the wild dare devil Kingfishers. What was learned must be unlearned. Opening my heart by opening to the dream is something I never thought possible. Better late than never I guess!


From the bow of a kayak an Orca looks like an amazing creature, don't you think? We can realize any dream if we let go of our past misconceptions.







She Who Watches and Western Red Cedar Healing

She Who Watches and Western Red Cedar


To say that each day out was full of surprises really does not do justice. The second morning we awoke to Brian owner of Pacific Northwest Expeditions calling us before breakfast “Orcas”. Rushing down to the water’s edge we could see them coming down the strait. They swam past right under our feet. One young whale rubbed itself all along the small rocks as it swam past. We heard them singing and chatting to each other when the hydrophone was lowered into the water. Spectacular!

This day was perhaps my favorite day of all. The weather was perfect. Whales were plentiful. Everyone was relaxed and playful in the kayaks. At noon we hiked up through the rainforest to see an 1100 year old Western Red Cedar. This tree is a stalwart to the native cultures here. Its bark strips off easily and can be woven into water proof hats and clothes. Those tall trees stand true and do not warp or rot. These are the trees that totems are carved into. These trees provided homes, canoes and protection. They have powerful medicine.

A rainforest is an interesting place to hike when you are the eldest of the group to say nothing of being the shortest. Slinging a leg over a downed tree that is higher than your head took great ingenuity and strategizing. Though it took me a little longer than the others, I made it.         

 

This 1100 year old Western Red Cedar dwarves all around it, especially us!

I don’t know where the top of that tree really was. I could not see it. I stood in awe of nature’s magnificent old wisdom. I love trees. When they widened the road where I grew up they took down all kinds of trees and blasted rock. I cried for days. I asked permission of this great tree to leave my pain in its care. I felt the reason for me being here was to leave pain behind. I stood on the other side of the tree as the others chatted and performed my ceremony, gave thanks and offered what I could. The offering turned out to be a teaching. One of the young engineers on the trip came around to see if I was okay. When I explained what I was up to he said let’s do it. He was solemn and respectful and seemed appreciative of the effort. Somehow, it feels like I was there to offer this young man a few words about honoring Gaia and keeping her well. For an engineer in Calgary inventing new ways of extracting resources from the earth it felt like an important teaching from my perspective. 

 

This card turned up when I asked "What does Red Cedar want me to know?"

When I pulled my Gaian Tarot card for the day I was moved beyond words really and cried a few tears. To me it appeared that the woman deep in grief is hugging a tree. Apparently, she is leaning on a standing stone to release her grief into the compassionate healing of Gaia. The petroglyph of She Who Watches appears in the clouds above her. We are never alone in our grief and must not lose sight of that even as we weep our tears. People often say to me, I have done all the work. I have let that all go. Why is it coming up again? It is because we are human and afraid; because we are human and rarely weep and feel grief to the deepest releasing level. Because we feel emotions that remind us of what is gone and we miss those people and feelings of joy. We need to release, express and feel our grief so that it evolves into something softer that does not keep us locked in fear and pain. And so on this day with this 1100 year old Western Red Cedar I let go of another layer of grief and pain. The young engineer offered a healing of his own, by being compassionate enough to check on me and join me in part of the ceremony. We really do not know when or who is there for us until we let compassion into our life. And from the Gaian Tarot text “I allow the Mother to heal my sorrow as I open my heart in compassion to others”. And I would add receive the compassion of others, something I found very difficult to do for far too long.

 

An old stump full of life! Death giving way to life and renewal as always.

High Priestess and The Whale

The Priestess and The Whales:
Today's pictures below!
 Young whale showing its brute strength ploughing through the ocean. Picture by Brian Collen owner of Pacific Northwest Expeditions http://www.seakayakbc.com/main.html and the card I pulled The High Priestess from The Gaian Tarot!
The question I asked the Gaian Tarot on Monday August 15 sitting in my tent was: What do the whales tell me?
Card pulled: The High Priestess-Card Two and as it turns out the only Major Arcana pulled in the six days of the adventure. Now I have to confess that the High Priestess is my least favorite card in the Major Arcana. Her visit to me on this adventure was unexpected and perplexing. What does she and whale want me to know?
From my notes of August 15, 2011 hastily jotted down:
• Find balance
• Dive deep within
• Come up for air
• Know what is around you
• Eat what you know is right for you
• Dip your toes in and test the waters
The Native People of the Pacific North West attribute great powers to the Orca. Orcas take people who drown to their underwater homes and turn them into whales. A whale swimming along the shoreline may be looking for her human family. Great Chief’s become whales at the end of their days. Because Orcas live together in pods, mate for life and raise their young together, they are considered to be omens of love and romance. The whales we saw are identified through matrilineal lines. The family history runs through the women not the men’s history. The High Priestess is the seat of all things feminine and deep. She represents the subconscious and the water in and around us. She is ruled by the moon and is affiliated with the tides. She is infinitely powerful even though the power is not apparent. Over the week I came to realize that you never really see the Orcas completely. Even if you are lucky enough to see one breach, it is fleeting and you have trouble comprehending the whole of the beast. Their power is not readily apparent either. I have felt for some time that I am swimming around just below the surface wondering what the whole picture is. It feels like I am missing something or actually many things. This trip has felt from the beginning as if I am to leave something behind. What then am I to start or take up? The Woman and The Whale today suggest waiting, going with the flow, meditating on what is within me. At the same time the Crone aspect of the Gaian Tarot High Priestess reverberates within. What is my role as the Crone? What intuitive gifts am I missing or need to expand? Whale with its black and white tells me clearly; find the balance between doing and being. What role does family and love play for me at this time of my life? The dolphins and the whales show family as it is meant to be. Breathing and flowing and being as you are meant to be. What do I leave here? What do I take with me? And you, what do you wish to leave behind and take up? Since returning home, I have been trying to find more time for High Priestess work and balancing life. Even the Orca know to work hard, take care of necessities and then play, sing and jump! What I am learning daily is the many layers and depth of the information available to me through Tarot, Nature and reflection and meditation. By allowing self the time to dive deep, each layer of what is next reveals itself. One thing that I will definitely be sharing with clients is the importance of receiving messages from your reading over a period of a few weeks to really get all that was revealed. Personally, my readings have taken on much greater depth and I am not afraid to reveal such things to my clients. The Crone is guiding me to use the deep wisdom of  the cards and life diplomatically, gently and truthfully. Please do enjoy this picture...this young one swam by at our feet.

The Dolphin and The Salmon

The Dolphin and The Salmon:
Every day after kayaking and before supper I sat down and wrote about the day and the symbolism of what we experienced on my six day kayaking with killer whales adventure August 2011. These blogs are about my quest, tarot cards and symbolism in cards and nature. Enjoy!
After paddling out and setting up camp we went out for a paddle to see what we could see. What we saw was of course stunning. Salmon were jumping. Of all the things I witnessed this week the jumping salmon were to me the most amazing. All day all night these fish jumped and skipped like stones across the water. In the early evening they shimmered like silver. Nothing stopped them. They seemed to be jumping for the sheer joy of it all. And I guess they do! Picture the silver water and sky, quiet and silver fish jumping and splashing across the still water. It is silver you see here not gray. The whole scene shimmers. I can see it in my mind’s eye still and feel the peace of it all. Feel the deep inner knowing of these fish doing what they know inside them. What a message to me on my own quest.
Earlier in the day we met our first big fish! Dolphins swam around us and journeyed on. While dolphins often play in the bow wake of larger motor boats the guides told us that they avoid the kayaks. Theory is that the white bottomed kayaks resemble the deadly orcas and are avoided by the wise dolphin. Erin, our guide asked if I had called them to us…well who can resist! At that very moment though, I was not at all sure that I wanted to see these critters. I was afraid. I became aware of making little (hopefully, they were little) yelps as they circled us. When I heard a big dragon breath behind me I almost jumped out of the kayak and asked “What was that?” Their breath I am told! Breath! Lordy! I much prefer the safety of Anna’s Dolphin breathing or Susan’s Huna breathing when they are doing energy work thank you! And you just don’t twist sharply around to see what is behind you in a single kayak on the ocean so there I was, terrified! Of course, as with all the creatures who graced us with their presence these dolphins wanted to be on their way safe and sound too.
Shortly after this the lads finally landed a nice sized salmon that they planned to enjoy for supper. My question that day for the Gaian Tarot: What does dolphin want me to know? I pulled the Ace of Water. Which of course is a salmon, salmon eggs and salmon babies. New life. Ace of Water often means new love. The dolphins today told me to play. Have fun! And pay attention to your breath. All these messages about breath lately. How do they all relate to my life now? When I joined the group for supper there in front of me was the salmon now cleaned and cut in steaks. Across the top of the steaks were her eggs. I felt sad that we had caught a female so full of eggs and denied them their chance to live.(I took the picture above because it rather stunned me. I realized that eggs were the real message here). Personally, though the message from salmon became what are you about to birth? What new love do you need to birth? From Dolphin, I was asked: What is there about love that you need to birth? What in your life needs grace, kindness, contentment and a chance? Dolphin is called a fish but is a mammal. It swims in the sea (our subconscious) and breathes air just as we do. It represents existing in two worlds really. For me, I am accepting more and more that my life exists in two worlds. I wonder where I am to journey more often now: with spirit or with humans? Of course, the answer is balancing the two. Dolphin can not survive in either world exclusively. And I believe that I am waiting again for new directions on my spiritual and mortal path. Dolphin thrives with company; salmon’s journey of return is private and compelling. Fortunately I need both in my life right now. The affirmation for the Ace of Water is “I seek my heart’s desire”. I have returned home to find it. I also plan to play more!

Why am I here?

That seems like a very huge question as I look at it today. When I asked it I was in Port MacNeill British Columbia on the eve of my big kayaking adventure. Each day during the adventure, using the beautiful Gaian Tarot created in the Pacific Northwest, I asked the Tarot a question. So the question that day was specifically about Why am I here on this trip today? Looking at it a few weeks later, the card and the trip actually answered the question on a much larger scale. Today, I see that this whole adventure somehow answered the proverbial question "Why am I here?"
I laughed out loud when the Nine of Water turned up! I happen to know this is a picture of Joanna Powell Colbert the creatrix of this amazing deck fulfilling a dream of her own. The picture is full of light and mystery and magic. Exactly what was filling me on the eve of the great adventure! The affirmation that goes with the Nine of Water is "True happiness is my connection to Spirit". Indeed! Sitting in my hotel room that night watching torrential rain sluice down the streets I was full of wonder at what was to come. Continuing to chuckle at the Gaian Tarot's very concrete realism my pen and soul flowed. I am here:
Because I want to be!
Because it is a dream of mine!
Because I manifested it!
Because I wished it!
To Be in Awe!
To Pray!
To see the light!
To go with the flow!
All of this was true on Saturday August 13 about the trip and my life in that moment. As I sat down to write this today, it occurred to me that this also answers why I am here period! Each and every day I am here to experience the awe and wonder of life. It is up to me to manifest, wish, pray and see the wonder of life before me in each day and moment! Essentially, we are all here because we have chosen to be. We choose each day how we see what is before us. At any moment in the day we choose to see it with potential or loss. Even better as the rain pouring down showed me that Saturday night, we can choose to believe that all is as it should be and enjoy it! I chose not to let the weather forecast or torrential rains that evening dampen the wonder of what I was feeling. On this trip I was introduced to so many new things, creatures, people and experiences that it is still difficult to take it all in. That is what the trip and life itself is all about isn't it? From the very lovely book that accompanies the Gaian Tarot specifically for the Nine of Water card: "When you get this card in a reading: This is a time of emotional fulfillment, of dreams manifested, of mystical experience and connection to Spirit. What song of praise fills your heart at this time? You are overflowing with joy and peace. All is well." No wonder I have always loved and trusted Tarot as a tool to guide me in times of awe or fear.
Today's pictures: Nine of Water from the Gaian Tarot; Me at my own waterfall after a more than rugged trek through the rainforest on Vancouver Island!
Your homework should you choose to accept it: In what ever manner that is meaningful to you, be it Tarot, Oracle, Crystals or silence: sit with the question "What am I here for?" Start with what you are doing now and see over the weeks what that answer reveals to you.
Next blog: Day one of paddling:What does dolphin want me to know?